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"All is fair in Love and Peace "Written By: Keiran Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters...
Shame about that. Pairings: 1+2, 3+4, 5+S, minor 6+9 Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Mildly romantic, fluff. Or was it sap? Humorous. Heero has issues. Summary: Sequel to All is Fair In Love and War "All is fair in Love and Peace "
Humans are strange creatures, their nature unlike any others in the world. Although there has been evidence that they are, in fact, classified as mammals, their actions tend to prove the very opposite sometimes. Hence the comment made in some ancient movie, about them being a virus. No, you didn't hit the wrong link. This is not Discovery Channel: Civilization reprinted. As it was said before, human nature is a conflicting one. They desire peace, yet when a chance of ending war arises, older, long-forgotten conflicts are suddenly remembered. Or new ones are invented. Whatever fits. Which brings us to the present situation. The 24th of December, 197 AC. Double anniversary - end of the first war, rise of another. It is also a symbolic date for finally acquiring peace. Night of hope for Christianity, still one of the most popular religions. However, there were places… “Man! They’re just plain crazy!” Duo Maxwell was watching the news while reading at least seven newspapers and consulting his laptop all at once. “The damn war is finished, stupid weapons are gone, and those idiots still need something!” He rose a little from the ground watching a huge dog, who made himself comfortable next to him. “They make me regret being born human.” “You had no choice in that matter.” “And here he comes: the great Heero Yuy, to spoil a nice thought. Never heard of a metaphor before?” Duo scowled. Heero - predictably - hned and turned around. Not before peeking at the other boy through his lashes, of course. “It’s not that bad, Duo,” a cute blond said softly, watching the boy sigh and stretch beside the huge dog. “They just need sort of an icon of unification.” “You’d think that the damn colonies would have enough sense to keep themselves together, but no!” “Injustice.” The lot of them was sitting in Relena’s mansion, trying to enjoy a get-together (the pilots, Relena with Mariemaia, Milliardo, Noin and Sally) while discussing the future of the world, if the colonies couldn’t deal with their issues regarding each other. “Hail all, Wufei contributes to the conversation. Let him speak! In his infinitive wisdom, he shall grace us with a solution to the Injustices of Life!” “Maxwell!” Wufei lunged at him. For the next ten minutes the room was full of laughter, and mad giggling. “It never ceases to amaze me - every single time Duo opens his mouth Wufei is right there to start a tickle/pillow/food fight. It’s like he gets a written invitation beforehand,” Noin pointed out looking at the squirming boys on the ground. “Hey, guys! You’re seventeen.” Duo rose, brushing bits of hair which escaped his braid away from his eyes. The light of the fireplace he ended up in front of was reflected in his messy hair, making it look like a nest full of fairies. He was laughing again. ~A Very Tiny Insight into Heero’s Mind~ Aw… … I did not just think that! ~End of Insight~ Yes, as everybody gathered, Heero was still in slight
denial. Duo remained completely unaware. However, we must add, to
his credit, that Heero had some priorities now. Namely: No 1. Duo
doesn’t drive a car (the driver has to have priorities). And they lived quite happily. Sure, Duo would bitch sometimes about being fussed over as if he were a baby, but that never lasted long. “Nevertheless, something should be done about it,” Relena said. “Finding some icons for the colonies would do good.” “What, for example? It’s not like any of the colonies have an Empress Sissy to marry off,” Duo snorted. “We could marry you off,” an eight year old Mariemaia piped in. “You’d make a cute bride. And everybody on L2 like you.” Duo giggled. “I’ve just always wanted to be an enchanted prince! But not of the amphibian kind. I don’t like pink though… and you, kid, can be my fairy godmother. I would need one of those. You can wear pink. Or maybe not, it’d clash horribly with your hair. Then I’d need to be locked in a tower. We've got to have an evil witch, but no one is climbing my hair! I’m just not sure about the twins part.” The last part was added almost as an afterthought. By that time, however, everybody was howling with laughter. Even Heero and Trowa were doing something that could have passed for a laugh… in really bad weather. Milliardo got his wits together first. “Then, I trust, thy hand shant be refused?” Duo grinned. "Sir Knight, how could I refuse thy offer?” “Maestro, play the music! A… ugh, the Prince wishes to dance.” With that they set off, waltzing, doing the tango mixed with samba and few others. At some point Duo tried to introduce ballet into it all. But that try ended in a huge heap with a plethora of hair everywhere. The day ended great. A couple of weeks later the same topic surfaced. Duo Maxwell, Preventer extraordinaire, was finishing his mission report, when he was summoned to the boss’s office. Namely, Lady Une’s. He was somewhat surprised to find Heero and the other pilots there, as well as Minister Darlian. “Duo, we thought about what you said.” Duo looked at her, indicating that she should continue. He didn’t have a clue what was going on. (Or which of his statements they were referring to.) Heero just looked stony, Quatre was smiling curiously, Trowa and Wufei were… were. Let’s leave it at that. “And we agree, that a marriage would do the colonies a world of good.” “Oh, that’s it,” Duo grinned. “You guys are getting hitched! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you both! I’m going to be the best man, aren’t I Heero? Please? Pretty please?” He was bouncing cheerfully all around the office hugging everybody. “Um… Duo. You’re the one getting married.” That stopped him. Everybody looked at Relena. Heero glared. And I don’t mean glared as ‘looked in an unfriendly way’. Heero Yuy was in a process of reaching for a gun. “Yeah, okay. Don’t you think you should have informed me sooner or something? Whatever happened to romance?” The braided boy asked, slightly bewildered. Relena blushed. “Not to me! I thought about what you were saying, and you guys are some sort of icons for the colonies… with your numbers and stuff… so…” “Is that even legal?” Duo asked wide eyed. “I mean sure, I’m pretty tolerant, no problem. But five guys? Isn’t that, like, extreme a bit?” An hour later the conversation was resumed, after stopping Wufei’s nosebleed, reviving Relena from the dead-faint, giving Une mild tranquilizers and preventing Quatre from nearly swallowing his teacup. Duo was grinning ear to ear, but was still slightly bewildered. Heero and Trowa seemed to be virtually unaffected, on the outside. Inside… we need a better angle for that. We’d cover Heero, since the author was only equipped with enough cash to buy an allowance to dwell in one pilot’s mind. ~Insight into Heero’s Mind~ Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes ‘But what if they assign him to somebody else?’ Nonononononononononononononono … ‘I’d like to see them try.’ ~End of Insight~ “But I thought the sole purpose of that kind of marriage was producing heirs for both parties, and all that jazz. That would be tough. The kids facts aside, how d’you want to pair us? Should we pull names from a hat or something? Match the birth date? I don’t have one, you know? Do we base it on horoscopes?” Duo was having a great topic for talking. Nothing could stop him now. It’s not like anybody wanted too. He was too much fun when he did that. Sometimes he was useful too. “And of course five is not exactly an even number. What about that? Scratch that, we could make Heero marry Relena, that would leave the four of us. But I’d go crazy trying to speak with Trowa, Wufei would kill me sooner rather than later, and Quatre is the one that talks.” “What is that supposed to mean?” Poor blonde didn’t know if he was to take it as an insult or not. The rest was laughing silently and watching Duo pace around the room. Duo or his mid-section, depending on the person, really. “Well, I mean somebody would have to do the press talking, since it would have to be all over the news. Or there is no point to that at all. And I’m betting at least two TV stations would want to make a reality show out of us. I can just see the Trowa interview - they’d have to dub him! Of Wufei’s, after scratching the injustice out, nothing much would be left.” “I was rather thinking…” Relena tried to say something, but she made a huge miscalculation in Duo’s inhaling time. “On the other hand, having over-lapping couples would be fun! Or even a threesome. But these are illegal, I think. As in marriage. Back to the over-lapping. At least we wouldn’t be bored,” Duo finished his tirade nodding wisely. Relena was busy wondering what she should prevent - the blush or the giggles. She decided to prevent the blush. “If you’re finished now… thank you.” Small cough. “I reckon it would be best to assign you simply by your numbers. I trust it won’t meet your disapproval?” “Wait a second! Who said we were getting married?! We’re too young!” “There are ways to overcome it, Duo.” “But I’ll go crazy with the silent treatment! I mean - Trowa is practically mute! Or there would be much difference if he was.” “Who said you would pair with Trowa?” Relena looked at the braided boy confused. “Uh, you did.” “When?” “Well, you said we go by numbers, and 2 is somewhere near 3, unless someone taught me the wrong math.” “I guess someone did. Duo, I hate to break it to you, but the numbers start with 1, not 2.” Quatre explained patiently stifling his chuckles. “I knew that! But Relena and Heero are an item, so I thought…” “WHAT?” A shrill shriek interrupted him. Everybody took cover from the running banshee. But, as it turned out, that wasn’t necessary, because it was Heero who shrieked. The Vice Minister just coughed politely. “That’s… not exactly true,” she said carefully. “That’s exactly not true!” Heero corrected. “You baka!” “Jinkies. Didn’t know that. Is it my fault you rarely talk to me? I can’t exactly read your mind, you know.” “Thank God for that,” Heero muttered, a little red. “So it’s settled then.” Relena Peacecraft brightened visibly. “I already talked to Sally, she’s on an assignment now, and she said yes.” “Yes to what?” Wufei asked a little uncomfortable. “To marrying you, of course! Let me know when you establish the date! I’ll take care of the rest.” With that, she left the office. Two thuds sounded in unison with the closing door. “I have a feeling,” Quatre said, “That we might have missed something.” Then he glanced at Heero who was frantically trying to wake Duo up, and Trowa lifting a dazed Wufei from the floor. “Were we just arranged to marry each other?” He asked Une uncertainly. She nodded solemnly. “Oh my God.” This place would have contained another Heero-insight, but unfortunately you have to be satisfied with a brief notice. Heero’s mind went on vacation, the rest running on auto-pilot until the marriage is confirmed and done. He couldn’t risk messing it up, could he. Murphy’s Law would do it for him. It took some time to convince Duo that he and Relena weren’t really a couple. It took even longer to convince him that they didn’t want to be. It took a long time, but finally he understood. In the process, five chairs were put to eternal rest, 2.75 liters of alcohol was consumed and Heero nearly had a mental breakdown. As Trowa had - on the one of few occasions he spoke up - eloquently put it: ‘Duo is one hell of a convincing son of a bitch’. Said boy managed to talk a terrorist into believing his problems were based on a simple misunderstanding, namely, his mother really did love him. She just didn’t want to talk about it. As it turned out later, he was right. Which in turn led to Wufei commenting he could make a living selling people the Statue of Liberty, or bottled Sahara desert sand. Which prompted Duo into asking whether Wufei would be interested in buying the statue of David... you know, the naked guy, because he [that is Duo] is ‘a bit uncomfortable with the way [he] is being gawked at now.' As said conversation took place over a dinner, everybody ended up with a piece of lunch in their faces. (Or a nosebleed and two lunches in one’s face, Wufei speaking. It’s rather easy to gather that Heero was not pleased with the insinuation). Just when everybody thought things were going relatively smoothly, Duo came to see Relena. Asking if it’s true that they’d have to sleep together, and if so, how do you do that. The girl - understandably - had a fit. Poor boy was sent home uncomprehending why nobody wanted to answer his queries. In despair he decided to talk to one of his best friends, who was in the same situation. ~Present time, Maxwell-Yuy apartment~ Heero came home from work. He was a bit tired and bored out of his mind. A day full of paperwork does that to a person. All he wanted now was to sit down, eat something and stare at Duo doing all the Duo-ish things. He knew for a fact that Duo wasn’t going out tonight. All that time spent forcing (and teaching) him to keep a calendar of outings had paid off. So, as he planned, Heero went into the kitchen, found a delicious meal in the heater, and took it with him to the living room. Duo, on the other hand, spent almost the whole day (save for the time he spent cooking) reading. Right as Heero entered with his food, Duo was sitting with his back to the couch totally engrossed in his book. A music was playing softly in the background. Heero relaxed happily. Not that he looked like he was relaxing happily, mind you. He ate slowly, put the plate away and stretched on the couch. Then he glanced over Duo’s shoulder, curious as to the contents of the book. And developed a nosebleed that would make Wufei proud. “Wha..t are you reading?” he asked weakly a few minutes later, just to confirm his gnawing suspicions. Make that gnawing certainty. “’Complete Guide to Gay Sex.' It’s kind of curious, actually,” Duo said turning the page. “Oh wow! Is that comfortable?” Heero didn’t dare to risk a glance. It just couldn’t be good for the blood loss. “Where did you get that book?” he asked finally. “Quatre lent it to me.” Heero stopped thinking for a while. “…Quatre?” “Yeah.” “Uh, are we talking about the same guy? Blond, blue eyes, short? Mr. Where’s my Teacup? Hangs out with tall ‘I just had a freaky hair-gel accident’ guy?” “Yes, that one. What’s so weird?” “Nothing.” “Nobody would tell us anything, so Quatre and I thought we might learn just what the hell we were coaxed into. I tried to ask Relena what we were actually supposed to do after the wedding, but she didn’t answer,” Duo explained, pouting slightly. “You mean you didn’t know?” Heero felt another nosebleed coming on, along with a sense of disbelief. And some insane joy. And a more… physical reaction to the revelation. Which promptly ensured that nosebleed wouldn’t come. “Hey! I’m not a child! I know perfectly well how sex works! I had to learn human anatomy and medical basics too, and you know that! Quat did too! It’s just that the books didn’t mention how two guys are supposed to do it.” Mercifully the phone rang. Heero didn’t even blink, while Duo got up to answer it. “It’s Trowa, he wants to speak with you,” the braided boy said and handed him the receiver. “Hn.” “…” The two silent guys greeted each other. “Don’t tell me. Does it have anything to do with Quatre and ‘Gundam Pilot’s Manual - What You Won’t Find Inside’?” “Sort of. It’s more like ‘um, Trowa?’ here.” “Oh. At least someone has it worse than I.” “You just wait. Quatre is coming over to bring a couple more books on the subject for Duo to see. Along with a list of associated links. And a few movies he found in the house. I suggest you run for it.” “Movies he found in the house?” “Sisters. Apparently in the 20th century there was a market for gay guys.” Silence. Then a slightly panicked "Hn." “Oh, and they found out we’re all involved in this… mission, so expect a tailor soon. And a florist, and a baker, and hotel prospects, and house decorators. Also from what I heard most of their daughters want to be maids of honor. It usually comes with a pink dress. Watch out for Iria, she said she’ll be coming over to give you ‘The Talk’, when she saw the two of them in the library hunting for sex tips.” “Duo! I’m leaving!” “I’m waiting in that tiny café opposite the office. Barton out.” Heero lay on the couch for a long moment staring into space. When he finally comprehended what exactly that talk meant, he bolted for the door.
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